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ZeraMist

Forever a dreamer
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Hi guys,

Figured I'd do a little explanation journal as to what's going on right now.

I graduated 2 weeks ago and since then I've been moved into my new place and searching for jobs.

It appears no one wants to employ me, just yet. So unfortunately this has taken a severe toll on my mental health.

So much so that for the past week I haven't been able to escape suicidal thoughts, my depression and the onslaught of panic attacks.

I've been talking a lot to my Mum through this, and honestly I don't know if I'd still be here if it weren't for her continued support. I know I wouldn't be here otherwise if it wasn't for her but still...

I just want to say that no I haven't restarted self harm, but I did got to the doctor today and I've been put on anti-depressants and by the sounds of it he thinks I have depression along with an anxiety disorder. This is something that I've had an inkling about for a long long time.

It took a lot for me to admit that I have a problem and needed help, I should have gone to the doctors a long long time ago. As I've said to a couple of friends who have been talking to me through this time, it's okay not to be okay.

And something that's recently come up is, it's okay to ask for help.

Unfortunately I'm not past my worst stage yet. Apparently it takes a couple of weeks or longer for the pills to kick in, and I will have to take them for a long period of time.

I'm not sure when I'll be arting again. I'm going to try to keep it up but I don't want to let small things like my art style get to me.

Thank you for your support guys. Much love to you all.



Journal made by - Rising-At-Midnight
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So hey guys,

After my raffle I have some characters that need to go. They're pretty low price so please check them out.

FREE
.: Adopt - FREE :. [OPEN] by ZeraMist

10 points
.: Adopt - ULTRA CHEAP Points :. [OPEN] by ZeraMist

10 points
.: Adopt - Points :. [OPEN] by ZeraMist

20 points
.: Adopt - Points :. [OPEN] by ZeraMist 


Go comment on the deviations. ^-^



Journal made by - Rising-At-Midnight
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ERMAHGERD!

Raffle giveaway!

So if you're a watcher... Which you should be if you're reading this... You'll have seen the 5 Stonelight Pony designs I've posted up.

These five designs are going to be given away to some lucky raffle winners.

How to enter


FAVE THIS JOURNAL (1 ENTRY)
ADVERTISE THIS JOURNAL (1 ENTRY)
COMMENT (1 ENTRY)

When will it end?


This will be ending 

22nd March

I will stream a random number generator. Time to be confirmed closer to the date since I'm busy and don't know what times I'll be up and about.

Prizes:


1st prize: First choice of the five Stonelight adopts.
2nd prize: Second choice
3rd: 3rd choice
4th: 4th choice
5th: Which ever is left

.: Adopt - Raffle :. [TAKEN] by ZeraMist
DISCLAIMER: Each deviation will be updated with the average adopt description denoting the rarity of each.


This is open to both old and new watchers. If I get more than 100 entries I will then start adding more prizes and what not. ^-^


So... Get entering?




Journal made by - Rising-At-Midnight
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Hello there dear internet.

As the title suggests I'm writing this at 2am. And it's a little bit of a rant. But it's also me asking if anyone else has come across this, because I don't how to fix this.

I was in a very toxic relationship. One where, looking back on it, I think I was only with the guy because I was scared for his life. Countless times when we argued I would get pictures sent to my phone of bloody wounds, physical trauma caused by the words I had said to him. On one occasion when we broke up, he was taken to the ER, after overdosing on pills. When we met I talked him out of his original plan to end his life. So perhaps, it was a duty I felt to look after him.

And it was good at times.

It was very good.

He would comment on how pretty I was and say how lucky he was.

But then there were bad times. As you've possibly read about in my previous journals, or seen through my deviations. This relationship lasted through 5 years. That is, off and on.

This ended about 4-5 months ago. At least, officially. I think we both had come to terms with the fact we were going have to end the relationship. But the breakup was hard, I had come to terms with the fact I couldn't have someone like that in my life any more.

Now the issue arises with someone different. My current boyfriend.

No, before you ask, he is nothing like the previous one. Not at all. And here I find I have an issue.

Every day he tells me how cute I am, how pretty I am. And every time he does I find myself shaking my head, telling him that I'm not. Telling him that I will disfigure myself so he finds me less cute. (Please note that by disfigure I mean more facial piercings, and not causing myself actual harm).

It wasn't until tonight that I thought about why I do that. That is because he asked tonight. I had said that I would get more piercings and scowl at him more often to make him think that I wasn't cute. His response was 'why would you do that?'

And so I thought.

And I thought.

And my response was simply 'Cause'. 'Cause I couldn't explain to him. How could I?

The reason I disagree with his declarations of cuteness and prettiness is simple but sounds so ludicrous to say out loud.

My ex used to call me pretty. And somehow despite the fact that he found me pretty, I became a bitch in his eyes, and with every argument he loved to remind me of that fact. With every argument he would remind me just how stone cold hearted I am. 

So will he turn that way to? 

I can just imagine him switching like my ex. And it hurts. 

The sane part of my mind rationalises that he wouldn't do that. He's a gentleman, he's not foul tempered. He's kind and caring. He's not toxic.

But the sad thing is, I can't shake that fear. 

Fool me once shame on you.
Fool me twice shame on me.

So my question still stands.

Is there anybody else that has or is experiencing this?
Has anybody got any tips on how to get over this?

I'm sorry for spamming your deviantwatch with emotional bullshit. If I could ask someone irl, I would. But, my friends have their own stuff to deal with, and I wouldn't want to bring down their moods.


Journal made by - Rising-At-Midnight
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That's right folks given the time of year, I figured I would open some requests.

So here we are.

5 slots are open.

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Featured

.: ZeraMist where have you gone? :. by ZeraMist, journal

.: Adoptables :. by ZeraMist, journal

.: Raffle giveaway :. by ZeraMist, journal

.: 2AM ranting :. by ZeraMist, journal

.: 5 Requests CLOSED:. by ZeraMist, journal